Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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