It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
