I must be too annoying 4 u.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
