I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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