just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
