Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize