if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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