Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
