I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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