i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
