She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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