so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
