I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
