Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
