How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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