remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
