i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
