No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
