I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
