i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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