i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
