i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
