Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
