spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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