he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
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