wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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