I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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