Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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