Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
