the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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