Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
