I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
a search helicopter?!
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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