you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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