trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
