I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
