butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
