Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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