Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
