I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
