He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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