hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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