So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
