yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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