She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize