Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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