Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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