That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
