bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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