can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
