he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
