so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
