I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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