I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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