The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
In America we eat man semen.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
