i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
