the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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