They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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