dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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