I should be sponsored by Trojan
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Alive.
So much puke
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
