you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
