My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
