Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
my liver is dry heaving
false alarm, still single
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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