i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
