Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
