I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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