I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
